I don't love you anymore
I recently read the following
"Love never dies a natural death! It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source! It dies because of blindness, errors, betrayals, illness, wounds, weariness and witherings!"
This got me to thinking, and it seemed practical to rephrase the statement.
Can love really die? Or is that an oxymoron? A subtle contradiction in terms?
I have known my wife/partner for about 28 years, 16 of which we have been married. I have never asked myself "what is it about her that draws me so indelibly to her?” It has just always been there. We call what we share ‘love’ because it is what those around us call it. However if I were to aptly describe it then it would not be that word. What we have is a commitment. Now before you go off on a tangent and say that the word commitment sounds like we are staying together because of duty, allow me to continue.
I am committed to ensuring that my wife enjoys life. Sure there will be times when we disagree – vehemently disagree, but those are only moments. Fleeting at best!
I am committed to making sure that she knows that I am here for her. When she is sad, frustrated, angry at the world, down, depressed, negative, feeling alone, lonely…I always try to remind her I am here to listen, counsel, sit quietly whatever she needs.
I am committed to making sure that our life together is what we both expect it to be in spite of whatever harsh realities we must face. Be they financial, personal, emotional, societal our life together is more than just the sum total of those things - It is the commitment we share that binds us.
I am committed to her overall well being - her health in body, soul and mind. To grow and foster a trust so that our times apart are not spent in sleepless nights with imagined betrayals breaking down the doors.
I am committed to our family. To be the best father I can be. To show my children the strength of a man gloved within the gentle softness of a loving parent. To be not the sage on the stage, but their guide on the side! To stop myself from trying to vicariously relive my own dreams by forcing it on them!
Can this die? This is nothing to do with duty but has something to do with “Do you”?
Do you both choose to make these commitments? Do you both, in spite of all the negatives, find the positives? Well, if this is what the poets and songwriters describe as Love then my answer is – NO! A thousand times no. It cannot die because it is so intertwined in and between me and my family that it could not be ripped apart.
Love does not die because of those bad things (blindness, errors, betrayals, illness, wounds, weariness and withering). It dies because we let those emotions fill the space between us where once Love lived.